Pre-adolescence is a rather difficult stage to go through not only by the child, but also by yourself, as a parent, which you may face with rather bizarre and difficult to understand reactions from the child. In trying to integrate in the school, within the family, but also in an environment, the child exhibits a series of behaviors that can give you a headache. It is necessary to arm yourself with a lot of patience, but also with a series of useful tricks to prevent or solve the behavioral problems that may arise during this period!
Common pre-adolescent behavioral problems
The pre-adolescent period cannot be identified at an exact age, as it differs from one child to another. However, it is considered that it appears somewhere between 8-10 years and holds until 12-13, when the child enters puberty.
Pre-adolescence is fraught with a lot of changes in the child's life, on a physical, mental, cognitive, emotional or social level. His body and mind begin to prepare for the delicate period of adolescence or puberty.
The transition from one stage of childhood to another gives birth to gaps in communication with the child and his behaviors that may surprise you:
• aggression and conflict (demonstrates a higher degree of physical violence in conflict resolution than before; sometimes they arise out of a desire for independence or emancipation);
• vulgar or insulting language (takes insulting expressions in everyday speech when trying to integrate into a group of friends or when he wants to repost in front of you; he probably sees how others around him use them for the same purpose and consider good ways to resolve conflicts or to please others);
• dependence on the virtual environment and the television (in preteenhood, modern gadgets represent a greater danger than ever; the child is much more cognitively developed, learns to use the latest electronic devices quickly and is eager to have them too; there is the danger of falling prey to the dependence on the virtual environment, a rich environment in danger for its safety and physical and emotional health);
• problems at school and low school performance (in the transition from the child to the pre-adolescent stage and in the effort to adapt to the changes that take place in his or her life, the child may record poor results at school and may conflict with others colleagues, which might attract low marks to behavior or other forms of punishment);
refusal to communicate (sometimes, because of the difficult time he is going through and the fact that he does not understand everything that is going on with him, the child may refuse to communicate with you or your close friends; it is one of the most delicate, and at the same time heartbreaking, problems for parents, who sometimes feel helpless in the face of defiance or isolation of the child).
How do you help the teenager get through this period more easily?
Before reacting aggressively or getting angry at the problems your preteen is causing, think about him not being too easy and often behaving like that, because he doesn't understand and doesn't know how to cope. certain changes or experiences he goes through.
Show him and tell him you love him unconditionally
Arm yourself with great patience and help the child to go through this new experience in a constructive and educational way for him. Try to understand him before you accuse him or punish him and show him that you are with him with all the love.
This does not mean that you have to agree with his disrespectful actions and the bad way he behaves. On the contrary, he always emphasizes the consequences that his behavior has on him or others, but helping him to understand that whatever he does, will not affect the love you feel for him. In a confusing and dilemma period, the preteen must feel family and parental affection.
Listen to your child and talk openly with him
Before you talk to him, learn to listen to him! Encourage him to tell you the problems and dilemmas he faces and gain his confidence, to be open with you. Listen to his ideas, opinions, solutions and never tell him that he is right or not. Help him figure out whether his ideas are good or not, given the adverse effects he or she has on others. Then talk to him openly.
Always try to find out the causes of his inappropriate behavior. Do not "treat" the symptom, but the cause. It is useless to punish him for having beaten a colleague, for having spoken badly or for taking a low grade at school, if you do not help him to correct these behavioral problems by starting from their "root".
The sincere and open communication with the preteen opens your doors to a more gentle approach to delicate topics - sex, illness, death, drugs, etc. - in his education and discipline.
Set limits and rules for his behavior
Even if he is a husband and has earned the right to a certain degree of independence, it does not mean that he can do whatever he wants. The process of disciplining the child continues in pre-adolescence, and you must remain firm in the rules and limits you have imposed on them and, if necessary, establish new ones.
Be persistent in applying the penalties associated with violating the rules, but not before helping the child understand why he is not allowed to do certain things, how they affect him and what consequences he has on others.
Take, for example, insults or insulting words. The child uses them because he hears them around, so it does not seem wrong for them to use them. It is not enough to tell him that he is not allowed or that he is not beautiful. It is important to explain to him that this way of addressing is a lack of respect for others and that there are offensive words that should not be found in his vocabulary.
Do not abuse the preteen's life, but be present in it
Last but not least, it is very important to be part of your preteen's life - to know his interests, surroundings, preferences, etc. But do not do it in an abusive, controlling or ultraprotective way, as you may be able to remove it from you.
What kind of problems did your child face in preteenhood? How did you deal with them? Tell us your opinions in the comments section below!
Tags Child behavior problems