How to Avoid Outbursts and Nervous Seizures with Children
Anger is one of the most common emotions and it is normal for a parent to become angry with their children. But how a parent manages this anger is very important for a healthy parent-child relationship. And let's not forget, it's not just about children: the life partner, parents, siblings, siblings can increase the stress level of the parents. Regardless of what is the cause or target of our anger, experts agree that anger expression can be painful and will never solve a problem.
Therefore, it is important to deal with the feelings of anger without affecting the personality of the child.
How can we control these feelings?
1. Get out or wait - when you feel angry, withdraw from the situation until you calm down.
2. "I", not "you"- Avoid attacking your child with statements such as "you will never learn", "you are such a jerk". Instead, think in terms of your own person "I do not like to gather clothes after you."
3. Write. If you're too angry to talk, then don't do it. If the child is already reading, express your feelings in writing. Sometimes, the time to look for a sheet and pen will reduce your anger.
4. Stay present, do not charge for past mistakes or for what you think you will do in the future. Just refer to the present problem.
5. Reintroduce good feelings. When you lose them, reconnect with your child as soon as you can. That means, for example, saying you're sorry and hugging your child. For older children, you can provide explanations - why you were angry / angry - with excuses. Don't be afraid that excuses will diminish your authority because excuses show the child that you respect him and teach him that anyone can be wrong at one point.
6. Recognize the problem. Is it a child's behavior or are you tired, do you feel overworked at work, are you upset about your life partner, mother or boss? Be aware of the times when you are most vulnerable to anger and resist the urge to convey negative feelings to your child.
7. Children are not the only ones who infuriate their parents. Relatives who criticize, judge and interfere with family rules can create tension. It is recommended that parents set limits in advance for grandparents or others who become too involved and help them learn how to abide by these rules. For example, if a grandparent offers too many sweets to the child, the parent may explain that the pediatrician recommended as few sweets as possible. If a grandparent or other relative does the homework instead of the child, explain that the teacher asked the students to do the homework independently.
8. Different style of partner education it can be another source of stress. A partnership between parents is useful - a commitment by which the parent who was involved in a situation with the child to manage this problem until the end, without being influenced by the other partner. However, if one parent becomes angry, the other can help him calm down.
9. Make a table for yourself and the rest of the family and add a sticker every time one of the family members has an outburst of anger. When a family member gathers more stickers, it's time to talk about what is going on.
10. You can have a record player handy or a tape recorder to record. When you feel like you're going to explode, start recording. Then listen to what you have recorded and imagine that you are the child.
Andreea Biji, psychologist Save the Children
The material is informative and is part of the education and awareness campaign to combat violence against children "Listen to her soul", carried out by the organization Save the Children, between September and December 2011.
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