Tantrums are the fits of anger of young children who fail to express their helplessness or frustration in another way. These episodes are a natural, common phenomenon, which is manifested mainly through screams, loud crying, rolling on the floor, hitting, generally by aggression from the children to the parents. The tantrum crises they occur mainly in the age range 2-3 years, and as the little ones grow up they will learn to better manage the unpleasant feelings, and the fits of anger will be imputed. How do you cope with your child's tantrums?
How we handle the crisis situation and how to calm the child during a tantrum
The first and most important step is you keep calm during your child's crises. Then identify how your exhortation to the child to calm down is perceived, if it is within the meaning of the child, and if you can improve something in the message transmission. It can happen that once enveloped in all the negative feelings that cause the access of anger, the little one will not even hear you and so you have the feeling that he does not take into account you.
When the little one is trying to negotiate something already established or insist on something he wants and you don't, you can remind them in a serious tone "You asked me this already, and I answered you", thus staying firm on the positions.
You can change the way things go by showing empathy and guiding it focus on understanding feelings and resolving anger: "You are upset because I told you that you can no longer take a chocolate biscuit, what do we do when we are upset?".
Do you know the moment when you already told him that in 5 minutes you leave the park, but after all those minutes he still does not want to leave? You can try to convince him by showing yourself open to finding a solution together, to be both happy: "Why exactly do you need to agree to go home?" or "What can I do to make you feel like I've been in the park enough?"
When the little one gets angry or gets aggressive with other children or even with you, you can try to calm him down using expressions like "It's normal to be upset, and I would be in your place. But please calm down and then tell me how I can help you get what you want" or "It's in rule to be upset, but that does not mean you have to be rude "or even" first calm down and then talk, tell me what happened. Do you need help to calm down or you can do it on your own "?
Meals often become a battlefield! How many times has it not happened to you that the little one does not want to eat a certain food, or refuse everything you offer? Distract her from the act of eating itself by telling her "You are not obliged to eat, but you have to come and eat with the rest of the family", so the pressure will no longer exist and the smallest will most likely eat. If that tactic doesn't work, involve it directly "What can we add to the food to make it super delicious and eat it?".
Sleep hours, another delicate topic in any family with young children: first, do not forget to show appreciation when observing the hours of sleep, when he sleeps all night without trying to sneak into your bed, telling him: "I rested very well and appreciate that you did not come to us in bed tonight, my dad and I thank you for this ", the self esteem will increase and will make an effort to repeat the behavior as often as possible, knowing that in turn he receives a positive feedback from you.
Make him understand how important a restful sleep is not only for him, but also for you through expressions such as: "Later, after I sleep on you, I can hardly wait to go to my comfortable bed, to read a book and sleep myself "or" Sleep helps us to grow and recharge our batteries, I can't wait to sleep! "
Moments of frustration are inevitable for us as adults, especially for children, who often do not know how to express their frustrations. and the reaction thus becomes more virulent. Help him not to feel alone in those moments and to feel important, appealing to small fireworks such as encouraging communication and touching, a hug, a beat on the back as a sign of understanding strengthened by: "I know what you feel" and expressions like: "I saw that you threw the toy, I realize that you are upset / dissatisfied" or "Your sister took your toy you were playing with, that upset you, didn't it?" Then guide him to calm down: "Why do you need it now? Do you need help, do you want to try again, or do you just need a 5-minute break?"
Do you want to cause him to do something or not to resist the daily actions, such as washing hands, picking toys, eating what you have prepared for lunch? Apply to a little sly, offer him in exchange and actions to his liking: "After we collect the toys, we can redo your favorite puzzle" or "First eat the main way and then you will also receive your favorite dessert", "First we brush our teeth and then play with the lego ".
When you and your little one are not on the same wavelength, it is very easy to settle a little scandal, and inevitably it seems like a power struggle. Make him believe that he decides through expressions like: "Do you remove toys before or after washing your hands?", "Who do you want to help brush your teeth? Mommy or Dad?".
Empathize with the child and will not hesitate to ask for your help another time: "I know what you feel, I could not do this alone at your age, can I help you with something?" or "How do you want to solve this problem? Can I help you with something?"
Do you know how you usually help him? Reverse the roles, you can pretend that you have difficulty in doing something simple like a lace tie and you can say to them: "I can't make a bow, so I would need someone who is good at it."
The most rewarding example for a child is yourself. If you first manage to keep your calm in crisis situations, he will slowly take over your behavior as well. If he finds comfort and understanding, not criticism or quarrel, his outings will be less and less frequent and he will understand that there is another way to solve the small frustrations. We know, it is sometimes difficult to handle all situations calmly, but you cannot help the child to find his or her balance if you fail to manage your own emotions. So inhale deeply, count to 10 and help him to externalize his feelings without aggression, calmly.
Tags Tantrum children Crisis children Crisis hysteria Children anger attacks